have to laugh....

....because if i don't laugh, i will cry.

let me back up a bit. we've been killing ourselves for the last year to pay off all of our debt. we are oh, so very, very close. as in, within a month, it should all be done. i've felt the brunt of this crunch more than others in the house, and i did it on purpose to a point. and i was okay with that. much of that debt was mine anyway. so about 3 weeks ago, it became more than i could handle. all of the stress, the worrying, and some other issues came to a head all at one time and i lost it. lost it, as in ready to run away from home and not come back until i could see halfway straight. i managed to make it thru that weekend and get my head together and shove on. i've slowly put myself into a better frame of mind, even if it is a fairly fragile better state of mind.

talked to dh earlier today...seems that he broke the headlight dimmer switch on the 65 falcon yesterday when he was replacing the kick panels. oops. he had to hardwire the lights to the battery this morning to get to work at 5:30. he was able to swing by autozone and get the parts to fix it this morning, so all is good there.

tonight, i'm doing the standard homework, dinner, cleanup, etc with the kids. dh is at work. rotten1 and i are about to finish up his pueblo project, rotten2 is attempting a fema-scale cleanup of her room. and dh calls. seems he's lost his keys somewhere between a hospital or five, an ambulance, and god only knows where. okay, no problem. gather kids, find extra set of keys, drive 45 minutes to give him the keys. we get there, i meet a few of his co-workers, we chat and no big deal. it's about 8pm and i am ready to get back to the house because the kids still need baths and such before bedtime.

i get in the jeep thing, start it up, back it out, leave the parking lot and get to the light. and the fucker doesn't want to go. i finally get it moving and head toward the highway - 35 miles from home. then my radio goes out, my headlights dim to nearly nothing and the fucker doesn't want to go again. i whip into the nearest gas station, dh wondering what the hell i'm doing. and the jeep thing dies. *sigh* we finally pop the clutch and off i go....sort of. it looks like i can't drive a standard worth a shit for a moment, then it's all good. as i drive, with no radio (that sucked) and no a/c, things slowly get dimmer and dimmer....and i'm holding the gas pedal to the floor to maintain speeds of 55-60mph. about 12 miles from home, i exit off the second highway for the little farm to market road......and the truck craps again.

here we are, on a two lane road in the total darkness and cars going by fairly regularly (one or two every minute or so). all i can think of is the news story from sunday where a woman and her daughter were hit and the woman killed while trying to get her broken down car off the road. dh finally gets the jeep jumped off and off i go. that lasts all of about 6 miles. right down the road from the fire station. so we jump it off again and i head for home....at this point, i'm driving with no headlights, half on the grass and half on the road, using dh's headlights to see. sort of. i cross the 4 lane highway with only enough pause to make sure the road was clear and over onto the shoulder....still no headlights. by this time, it's 9:30 and the kids are getting cranky. so is dh. i want to, but i'm so focused on not letting the jeep thing die, i can't think of anything else. i manage to damn near fred flinstone the jeep thing the last 3 miles - i swear, if i had feathered that gas pedal anymore or any faster, my foot would have needed wings. by the grace of god, a miracle or just plain bad luck i managed to get into our yard. couldn't get into the driveway, but hell.....i was home. and the jeep thing died as the back bumper was less than 2 feet onto our property. dh hooked the battery charger to it, declared the alternator officially dead gone and in alternator heaven and realized that not only had he not eaten since about noon (he's diabetic). then realized that his phone was missing. it has to get better, right? so i find him a snack, he manages to get the jeep charged enough to get it out of the yard and into its rightful place in the driveway, and he heads back out to find his phone.....it has to be near the fire station because i'd talked to him not long before that. the kids manage to almost put themselves to bed and i kissed them goodnight. it's now around 10 and dh is back, with his phone still in one piece.

all in all, i know that i ran three stop signs, ran a flashing red light, drove for over 10 miles with no headlights and about 15 miles before that with headlights so dim, i doubt anyone could see them anyway. i was speeding in some areas to keep the jeep thing moving along steadily and obstructing traffic in other areas because the little engine that could was still attempting to chug along. i passed one state trooper who was on the opposite side of the highway, back when the headlights were halfway working.

as of 10:45, i've called in to work tomorrow (i needed a day off anyway) because the jeep thing isn't getting fixed tonight, dh finally got some dinner, the kids went to bed without baths, and if i don't laugh, i'll cry. or end up in a mental ward. and according to autozone.com, the alternator is $115. dammit.

randoms

* bicycles can be dangerous. just ask rotten1, who jammed the brake handle into his groin when he fell trying to do a wheelie on sunday. poor kid.

* our local mcdonald's has $1 hamburger happy meals on monday nights. guess where we ate dinner tonight?

* work has gotten crazy busy again. this intense level usually only happens twice a year. this year is not normal.

* would you people up north please keep your cold weather up there? i'm truly not ready for 40-50 degrees in the mornings yet.

* i sense a shift coming in the kids' visitation schedule with their dad. their social lives are becoming busier and weekends at his place are hindering their desires.

* i wouldn't call it insomnia, but my sleep schedule is greatly out of whack. again. i'm surviving on roughly 6 hours of sleep, and going on two weeks of this insanity. it really doesn't affect me, it's just irritating because my schedule is all confused. i should be in bed soon, but i won't be.

* where has this year gone? could someone please hit the rewind button? i'm so not ready for another round of holidays so soon.

* dh and i are almost debt free (excluding the house/land)....by the beginning of november, we should be. how freaking scary. it's taken so much work and tightening of the belts. but it will be worth it. i hope. i'm so ready for it. i just keep reminding myself that we are almost there....it's hard to remember why i'm doing this sometimes.

* my real life best friend cleaned out her closet this weekend and i was the lucky recepient of six pairs of blue jeans and two pairs of capris! yay! i soooooo needed some clothes. and they are perfect for work.

* this is probably the longest blog entry i've written in months about various things. scary. and on that note, i think i'm out of randoms.

hmmm

Maybe I'm not in the awful shape I thought I was....maybe just half-awful.

The kids and I started walking about three weeks ago, on average 4 nights a week. They ride their bikes, I walk. We've worked our way up to about a mile and a half each night. I'd love to go further, but we just don't have time between dinner, homework, baths, and bedtime to go for more than about 20 minutes. And it's starting to get dark earlier. I don't like to be on the road after about 7:30 now, especially on these country roads. It's just not safe for me or the kids when the roads aren't lit and such.

I'm doing a pretty brisk pace, and I've started jogging about a half mile of the route. It's fun, and it reminds me of a previous time I used to run 4 miles a day. I was in awesome shape then. I'd love to get back to that place.

Now, I just have to figure out what I'm going to do when it's dark by 6pm and cold. I know I won't want to walk then and the kids won't either. But I don't want to lose my motivation and stride that I've got going ..... I'm thinking about a treadmill, but I just don't know. And I'm not sure where I'd put it that I'd use it regularly and it would be out of the way, but not become a clothes hanger or backpack storage.

Hurricane Ike my ass...

......so says Dad, who's on 24 emergency call down in Houston this weekend for the complex he works at.

DH didn't have to do evacs this week, which is good and bad. Definitely could have used the cash, but...no stress, so it's all good.

Keep those in Houston, Galveston and surrounding areas in your thoughts. Could get a bit messy down there this weekend. Between my dad, my brother and various friends and friends' families, I'm hoping for the best of what potentially could be a nasty storm.

Then we'll see what happens when Ike visits the Metroplex. I have a feeling I will have to find the jeep's water wings. :)

Update No.1 - Friday @ 3pm - Ike's flooding has begun in Galveston. The feds are telling people who stay on the Island and in Galveston they are facing near-certain death. Houston has been told to stay put and brace for the worst. Power is expected to be out in areas for anywhere from 10-18 days. The eye is still 150+ miles offshore and already Galveston has 105 mph winds and rain. Waves are already crashing over the seawall. And the projected path of Ike puts the eye directly over my house over night on Saturday.

I'm calling it now.....Texas done fucked up on this one. There were no major evacs of hospitals and nursing homes. There was no forced evacuations, only 'mandatory' ones on the coast but not inland. I'll wait and see, but something says this has the potential to be worse than Katrina. Homes in Galveston are already partially underwater in low-lying areas....and the worst hasn't even begun.

Update No.2 - Saturday @ 11am - Started getting nasty in Houston around midnight. Got a text from Dad saying power was out and winds were up around 80 mph sustained. He is right in downtown, so what you've seen on CNN is where he is. No word from him since. Downtown looks to be a mess, but very little flooding on the streets there. Sounds like Galveston and the coast are under lots of water tho.

The first band of 20mph winds and rain hit us around 8am. The second batch just started. So far, no biggie. A few small branches are down, but...no big deal. And, depending on which channel I'm watching, the eye may go right over us, may go to the east a bit. We'll see....

Update No.3 - Saturday @ 3pm - And Tropical Storm Ike has joined us in full force. Winds are sustained around 25 mph and the rain is sideways. The dog is scared shitless, DH is bored silly and I'm trying to keep myself amused. Dad checked in, he's camped out at work since his homeplace is without power/phones/water and his bedroom window was broken during the night. We've gotten over an inch of rain in the last hour or so, not too bad yet.

Update No.4 - Saturday @ Midnight - DH and I took the jeep out to dinner in 40mph winds. Gee, that was fun. Gusts were up to around 50-55mph. Why? We were bored and tired of being cooped up in the house in the rain and wind. Very few cars were out on the road. For a Saturday night, restaraunts and stores were virtually empty. Very little damage we could see around town.

Final Update - Sunday @ 11:30am - Ike is gone, the sun is shining and it's a gorgeous day. We ended up with about 3 inches of rain, no flooding and no major damage. The few minor casualties at the momma house included a huge rosebush that was sheared in half during the winds, the coke can recycling can and a few tree branches.
Now I'm just waiting to hear from my brother, get dad's pictures from Houston and hear from a few friends' families that live in and around Houston. Keep those on the Gulf in your thoughts. The flooding and wind damage down there is god-awful.

silly fun

Took off work a little early today, came home, took the top off the Jeep-wannabe and took the kids riding...did a few errands, rode around aimlessly...cranked the radio and just had fun for a while.

Felt so good to 'escape' for a little bit. And the kids didn't fight. Well, not too much anyway.

Now, it's back to reality - homework, dinner, dishes, laundry, bath and bedtime await me in the next two hours. Yay. *rolls eyes*